Strange flight

The flight to a foreign country is ahead of schedule by 10 min. and i held the plane up by being on time! The lady at the ramp is waiting for me as the counter desk had called that i was on my way-hurry youre late! im not late i said as i glanced at my watch. As this is a rare occurence, i was spoiling the early departure and in the cabin the stewardress scowled as she rudely pointed to a seat, smoking or not smoking? smoking i said, sit here for now so we can take off! everyone in the plane was staring at me as she dutifully "put" me in my place. The general atmosphere was me against everyone. I guess they had been talking about me while the airplane idled on the tarmac-pinng----booonng-folks as you know we take pride in always being on or before schedule and the captain and crew apologize as the last passenger is very late and we have been informed the schmuck is on his way. This i gathered must have taken place, otherwise there is no other explanation for the all the passengers craning to see this most inconsiderate person come aboard with his shopping bags. She sat me next to a couple who resented me sitting next to them. As soon as the no smoking sign went out i lit a cigarrete and the guy went ballistic--whats wrong with you? you cant smoke here, this is non- smoking waving his hand to dismiss the toxic


smoke that would kill him any minute now. As i extinguished the butt sheepishly i offered that maybe he had heard the lady say this was a smoking section and i apologized. Because he had yelled loudly the lady came running up and denied she messed up ,which she did. Im sure she meant to move me after take off but neglected to mention it. But now, being on a roll with the


"bad" passenger she could capitalize on not having to be cordial to me or even apologize. And having the whole cabin staring up front at the unruly passenger who, besides delaying the flight

and possibly the whole U.S. air flight plan is haranguing an innocent passenger! I never said that, she stated, and you cant smoke here. She would have an uncomfortable time trying to sell me off to someone else in another chair and i was going to submit to her with the approval of the whole plane. I did'nt start this but i will end it right now and shut up.(win-win/ win-lose/lose-lose -i had to pick.



You know at the movies, how a dominant tries to take possesion of the center arm rest with his elbow? The meek give it up to those more assertive. He was now doing this, and proud of himself. He had decided now that i could be pushed around.



Sodas--cocktails? yes! i'll have a rum and coke please. As she handed me the drink bozo looked at me in the eyes, this was the only time in 2 hours he would look at me---youre also a drunk!

Im that type of person who shouldnt drink when upset. The alcohol was not the correct prescription for my condition. So i asked for another one.

Im not a fighter, so all thoughts were of a pent up anger, and i knew my infantile revenge fantasies would dissipate with the alcohol fumes.

As you can surmise, none of this Stephen king horror film nightmare could have been planned

and must be chalked up to the dynamics of convoluted human intereactions.

Pinng---booongg- ladies and gentlemen we are approaching the airport--seat belts and trays

up. She said it twice as the passengers were not complying fast enough as she did her rounds.

Much to my delight smartypants has elected to leave his tray down--not to disobey the authorities but to mess with me as i would have to move it myself, or quite possibly to pin me in

once on the ground and i would have to ask him and his tray to get out--a confrontation!!

The lady couldnt believe it as she came by again searching for truants-- Sir! you must bring your

tray to an upright position it is against f.a.a. regulations!! she looked at me like maybe my rebel ways were contagious and now my opponent had contracted whatever was wrong with me.

He pretended to go trhough the motions and as she left, he kept it down......big mistake....

PUT YOUR TRAY UP WHATS WRONG WITH YOU--YOURE ENDANGERING MY LIFE

WHATS GOING ON HERE?? she unbuckled and ran up and ripped him a new one. The tables have been turned and i had every right to serve back the same plate of popular thought to her -him and the sheeple on the plane who foolishly contributed to this scenario. He was angry,embarrased and befuddled as to how he had gotten himself into this predicament.
Passengers gave me sweeping looks of disdain and contempt while pitying the hapless and innocent seatmate of mine. Everybody stayed clear of me, the troublemaker as we made our way down the stairs and walked under the hot sun to stand in lines to clear immigration and customs. He made a concerted effort to be immediatly behind me at all times, rudely cutting off people to keep track of me. He was already asking workers for someone of authority to report me or whatever he believed would rescue him from his own follies.

Before this trip, on my way out of this foreign country, i had made friends with the top command
of customs and immigration. I had made their acquaintance because like most countries of limited means, they take anything they can get their hands on, legally or not. I had told them that it was rude and impolite of me to ignore their customs and laws and graciously thanked them for letting me go with a warning and was thankful i only had half my belongings confiscated.
However this was a common occurence and i was tiring of telling recipients what i had shopped
for them and im on my way back-only to have little of what i claimed i had brought, paid for or as a gift. Maybe your wife would rather have channel no.5 rather than old spice cologne i explained and i would be more than happy to receive your shopping list at no cost to you!
That way my peolple and your people get exactly what they want. The main reason for my trips was to bring hard contracts for sales. If you have an agreement you can bring foreign contracts
but you cant have the agreement without the contracts-catch-22--all this ends if you give me $$. Allowing them to confiscate desirable goods the contracts made good their escape. On this particular pleasant trip i was bringing talking dolls with expensive batteries installed, not local baterries
with a 20 min. lifespan, and the rage then was a plush dog with a zipper in the belly that held many tiny plush puppies. These were gifts for the daughters of local chieftains, plus bonus gifts
of the most wanted and unobtainable in this country. Shithead has finally gotten the attention of
someone and here comes these guys with guns and outlandish eupalettes straight for me---
the faces of delight and glee that the passengers displayed is difficult to describe. Horror stricken
faces replaced the happy mask as they shook my hand and politely relieved me of the shopping bags and brought me to the commanders who hugged me like they do in foreign countries. Since it was one the daughters birthdays they checked the batteries right there and then, the customs line paralyzed as the unzippered pups fell to the floor, being hastily picked up by guards bending over with their machine guns strapped to their backs. They give me a large box they had recently confiscated from a friend and didnt like the contents. I peered inside and ordered it to my holdings, we all hugged again and was being offered a ride. It is now obvious to my air companions that they have inadvertently stumbled on as witnesses to an international web of
criminal smugglers involving top echelons who in their brazen contempt of any law are doing it openly in the airport in front of international travellers-besides they have machine guns-. I can
only guess where their imaginations led them with the puppies and dolls. Not one to let opportunities go wasted and to be sure my treatment on the plane has not gone unnoticed in case they have forgotten, i mention to the commander who is holding dolls under his arms(containing uranium tablets:)? that the open tarmac in the sun is too hot for the passengers
and point to my new friend-incredibly like oil on water-like ghosts who move but dont walk
like dandeloins leaving the stalk he is now alone as the group has left the target rich environment. He went grey not white, standing alone, i really thought he was going to have a heart attack and regretted my action but was amazed how the incompetent stewardress tried to shrink out of sight behind her crew and they too abandoned her as they wafted away. Amazing!
the guilty have been pointed out without a word. Now it is apparent most of them heard her say smoking and i was never in the wrong. I will bet big bucks that my new friend and possibly others never made it to their hotel -checked in to another- and left the next day on another wonderful flight.