letters

dear Marie,

I have been preparing this letter ever since your engagement announcement. On the eve of your wedding i as your mother decided to share with you what i believe will strenghten your marriage. The mistakes i made and observations of other wives gives you valuable insight to avoid mistakes and navigate successfully the trials and tribulations you will share with your husband.

We know how men are-and you must do everything possible to keep him happy and make sure he doesn't stray. Don't ever talk about about your past boyfriends especially Phil- i have talked to him recently and he has agreed to never mention you again regarding "that" party. I STRONGLY SUGGEST you never weaken even in the most intimate moments of confidentiality anything about

your past abortions. Never ever mention your uncle and his triple manslaughter conviction.
If you feel right about discussing your past "experimental" lesbian encounters it might even make him feel more secure about his own sexuality and the other ladies agree. About your fathers alcoholism--we wont be able to hide it, so slip this one in gently. But dont and i repeat
dont ever tell him your brother sells time-shares!!!!

letters

A Parental Nightmare...
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant. Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for cancer so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your son, Chad P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

The silly old man

That's what people called him as he fed fish to the seagulls, a routine the old "codger" made for himself

to amble about on the beach, the birds eagerly awaiting their meal. Usually the activity is frowned upon in ocean resorts as the flock of birds mess up the area. As you get older there might or might not be a reason why you do things.

The old man was Eddie Rickenbacker, the top scoring U.S. pilot ace in world war 1, highly decorated and an aviation pioneer, race car driver, president of the now defunct eastern airlines among many other notable achievements. The man had escaped death many times including the most unbelievable injuries sustained during a dc3 crash.

During WW2 President Roosevelt called him to the white house for a secret mission. MacArthur (another WWI hero) had become a rogue element and they had lost control over him as he acted now on his own

disobeying all orders regarding the pacific theater.

This secret mission is still classified but recently the leaks have begun. No way was anyone to know how this spat could be made public during the war, the morale in the U.S. concerning a general like Mac Arthur was of utmost importance.

Apparently MacArthur looked up to Eddie only- he was his idol. MacArthur was also a highly decorated WWI1 soldier. No records could ever exist demonstrating the communications going back and forth regarding his loose cannon condition and you can read between the lines here

if you know what i mean. So they enlist Eddie and a selected crew for a B-17 flight to get him to

the pacific secretly-no small feat considering the distances involved. He would put MacArthur

in his place. Much has been written on why they ran out of fuel and ditched in the ocean, but by most accounts an unskilled navigator. The injured survivors ran out of food and water during the first week of their 24 days in a raft, the crate of oranges that floated up from the sinking plane made conditions worse

as the gastric juices made them hungrier. One of the crew died and you would have to read the story of this ordeal to understand the miracle of a seagull landing on eddies head. Besides the meal they used the entrails to fish more food. This was the third time in his life newspapers had declared

him dead ! Only because of his wife's insistence was the search extended and a small float plane

towards the very end found them in Japanese held waters. The pilot won an award as he put the most injured in the confined space and tied the rest to the wings and drove on the waves for 40 miles where they met up with a navy ship.

So, many people would scoff at the old man feeding seagulls unaware of why some people do the things they do- he would say thank you to every bird he fed still wearing the cap he wore during his 24 days at sea.